What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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