Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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