How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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