How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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