What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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