Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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