Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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