I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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