How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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