Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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