How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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