Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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