I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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