What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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