My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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