Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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