Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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