What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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