Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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