How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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