How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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