Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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