What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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