What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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