I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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