What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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