How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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