What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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