How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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