What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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