How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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