What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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