What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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