Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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