What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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