How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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