What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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