Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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