How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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