Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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