I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)

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