A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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