A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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