A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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