A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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