A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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