A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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