A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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