A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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