A seal walks into a club...
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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