And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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