And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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