Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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