Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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