Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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