Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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