Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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