Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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