Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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