Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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