Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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