H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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