H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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