Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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