How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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