How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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