How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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