How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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