How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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