How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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