How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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