How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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