How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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