How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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