How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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