How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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