How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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