How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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