How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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