How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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