How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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