How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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