How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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