How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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