How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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