How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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