How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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