How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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