How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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