How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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