How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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