How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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