How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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