How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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