How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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