How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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