How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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