How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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