How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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