How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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