How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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