How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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