How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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