How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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