How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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