How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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