How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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