How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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