How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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