How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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