How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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