How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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