How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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