How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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