How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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