How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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