How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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