How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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