How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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