How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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