How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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