How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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