How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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