How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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