How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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