How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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