How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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