How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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