How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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