How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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