How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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