How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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