How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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