How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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