How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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