How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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