How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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