How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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