How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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