How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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