How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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