How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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