How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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