How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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