How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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