How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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