How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.


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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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