How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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