How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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