How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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