How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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