How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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