How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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