How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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