How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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