How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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