How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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