How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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