How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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