How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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