How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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