How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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