How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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