How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.


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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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