How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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