How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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