How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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