How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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