How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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