How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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