How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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