How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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