How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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