How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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