How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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