How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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