How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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