How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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