How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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