How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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