How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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