How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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