How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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