How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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