How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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