How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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