How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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