How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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