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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?
One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?
What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?
The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?
Because he traveled a lot.
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