How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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