How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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A seal walks into a club...
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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