How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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