How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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