How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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