How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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