How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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