How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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