How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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