How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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