How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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