How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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