How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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