How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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