How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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