How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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