How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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