How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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