How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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