How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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