How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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