How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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