How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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