How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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