How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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