How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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