How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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