How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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