How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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