How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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