How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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