How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.


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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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