How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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