How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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