How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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