How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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