How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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