How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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