How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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