How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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