How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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