How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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