How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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