How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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