How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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