How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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