How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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