How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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