How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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