How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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