How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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