How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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