How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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